Feel the Heat, Bare the Soul, Embody the Goddess Within
This Desert Goddess Reveals Her Soul in our Outdoor Boudoir Photo Shoot
I love to do photo shoots when traveling. After spending a few days in Sedona, Arizona I headed to Phoenix and was able to pull together this outdoor boudoir goddess photo session before flying back to Denver. I had never shot in a cactus filled desert before, talk about challenging! It was hard to set my camera bag down or walk without getting pricked by cacti. Molly's flowy dress was getting stuck to everything! But she was such a trooper and somehow managed to even lay down fully nude in the desert with just a few pricks.
Molly is an artist and poet. She's been dealing with some major health problems the past couple of years which have made it really difficult for her to love her body and be her best self. This photo shoot was a way for her to take back her power, embrace her strength, and re-discover her beauty.
I included some of her potent poetry below. It's dark, its raw, its powerful. Enjoy.
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You can also stay in touch through my Facebook Group: Nicole Nichols Boudoir- Badass Boudoir Babes VIP Group
On the subject of me.
What version of me is me?
Am I the voice that murmurs unspeakable thoughts, that whines a comfortable pitiful narrative?
It soothes me and ruins me,
my Unreliable Narrative.
But the voice sounds so sane!
Or, am I the unhinged patient that everyone around me is afraid of and afraid for?
I don’t recognize the woman that everyone else believes me to be.
I think that I have become a separate thing, existing outside of my exquisitely rational consistently changeable mind.
Separate too, from other’s perception of me,
their experience of knowing me, the fear of me, the awe of me.
Maybe this is me:
Neither here, trapped in my spinning head, nor there, shattering in front of you. I am a part of me, apart, trying to fit the pieces of me together.
Except, I don’t care. I guess I stopped caring. Oops. Oh well.
I just want the oblivion of a drugged sleep.
Triggered This is my body This is my broken vessel Breaking it didn't make it yours This is my POS, fucker My body is my body This is my body Don't come anywhere near me Don't you fucking touch me You can't know my body I know my body I own my body This is my body You can't see ME inside my body You can't see me You can't have me you can't have me anymore You didn't want me though, did you? It didn't have to be me though, did it? Just a body Any body Just anybody to choke and dominate to suffocate and break It didn't matter to you that it was me But it matters to me that it was me that it was my body again and again and again and again... ad nauseam It was my body, It was me, in there That was me in that body, not anybody, ME my Penetrable Fortress my Hazardous Refuge my Purely Decorative Trash Can this piece of shit is My Body I didn't stop you did I? I didn't say no Did I? Maybe I did but maybe I didn't I don't remember Do you? Do you think of me still? Do you remember me saying it? Didn't I scream "NO!"? Didn't I? Maybe I whispered it I don't remember I don't even care anymore Now it's too late Too late again, to do this again It's too late to say it There's no point No point in screaming it now No point in whispers Now is too late It's far too late now, to say no No one remembers Who am I screaming it at anyway? Not you, Who am I whispering it for? Not me, I don't remember anymore I don't even care, not anymore Fuck off for fucks sake, I guess Fuck off, motherfucker, for fucks sake FucktheFuckityFuckoffFucker! Back the fuck off, childfucker For fucks sake Get the Fuck Off of my body Stop getting off on my body, over my body, in my body Stop Fucking My Body FOR FUCKS SAKE MAKE IT STOP you're breaking my body, so stop I want this to stop this is my broken body, so stop, please stop Just back the fuck off for a minute Please? Let me breathe I can't breathe Can you, please, just, FUCK OFF for a minute? Let me breathe for fucks sake I can't breathe let me breathe Fuck I'm sorry everyone, for scaring you with me, for scarring you So sorry for the inconvenience of me, the endless dramatic burden of me I'm so sorry for me It's just, I can't I can't breathe in this body and I don't even care anymore.
FUCK OFF
Found a place
Underneath the loss of me
Carefully dark and deadly quiet.
Keeps me safe.
Oh how very very
Fearsome and
Furious you are when you are you.
Acceptance
Shake awake, Crazy.
I want my slippery giggles and easy witty fuckery.
This is who I am.
I am Exceptional and Perfect.
But, the colors are rimmed with ash again.
My throat is thick with it, the itch of it, the buzzing hissing haze of it.
And there’s a familiar dreadful ache awake,
within each nerve of me.
The nerve of it,
to envelop me, in spite of me.
But my spine accepts the weight of it,
the exquisite savory pain of it, the waiting.
No, not again.
I’m tired.
I’m so tired again.
And this body is too loud.
It’s splitting me and pounding me!
It’s drowning out the sound of me.
But I accept the blame for it, the throbbing shame of it,
the incessant piercing pain of it, the waiting.
Don’t go back to bed, Crazy.
Don’t wallow in your pseudomisery again.
Don’t catastrophize your minor miseries again!
Your sorrows are so sweet and small,
so soft and forgettable.
Your legitimate illness is an excessive flagrant luxury.
You’re such a fucking luxury.
Hey, Hysterical White Lady!
Just get up,
get out of your head.
You are a completely normal predictable piece of ass.
Everyone knows a You, pretty and smart.
You are so soft and forgettable.
Please don’t make another unfathomable mess for everyone but yourself.
You Tragic Fucking Narcissist.
They need so much, they need so much more than I am.
They need the scraps of me, the endless raging rash of me.
I’ll stop.
I’m so sorry I’m me.
I’m sorry, I’ll stop.
I’ll stop being so me.
I’m such a tragic fucking narcissist.
I’ve lost myself again?
Remind me who I am.
What am I, again?
I’m here.
I’m me again.
I’m sure I’m me again.
I’m sure I’m finally me again, radically accepting what is and what isn’t.
I’m tragically narcissistic and exceptionally perfect.
And/Or
I’m legitimately fucking sick.
Inarguably sick
Verifiably sick
Sick sick sickity sick.
Fuck this shit
Fuck this shitty sick shit
F
U
C
K
T
H
I
S
S
H
I
T
fuck it.
But honestly, thankfully, everything’s completely normal.
This is all completely normal.
I’m Completely Fucking Normal, honestly!
Do you want to know where I'm traveling to next? Make sure to SIGN UP ON MY EMAIL LIST
You can also stay in touch through my Facebook Group: Nicole Nichols Boudoir- Uncover Your Badass Goddess
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